No one plans to go through a separation. That’s why when it does happen, it can feel confusing and overwhelming. It’s natural not to know where to start or the first steps to take. While every situation is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach, the following four steps will position you to navigate the difficult experience in a way that minimises stress, conflict and cost and show you how to how to co-parent without conflict.
Step 1: Enrol in a Post-Separation Parenting Course
Completing a post-separation parenting course is in no way an admission that you aren’t a good parent, rather it shows commitment to being a great parent. Post-separation parenting courses aren’t about teaching general parenting skills, instead they teach niche content, specifically relevant to separated couples. Topics covered in the course include understanding different parenting and co-parenting styles, strategies for improving communication with your co-parenting and how to keep the focus on your children and protect them from conflict. When both parents complete a course of this kind it usually results in improved parenting outcomes for children. Post-separation parenting courses are offered in a range of different formats, ranging from in person to online. The course doesn’t cost a lot, and some courses are even free.
Step 2: Choose Mediation Over Court When Possible
It’s best if parenting and property matters can be resolved amicably, using out-of-court settlement processes. Resolving matters out of court is always quicker, cheaper and less stressful than going to court. Finding the right service provider is key to learning how to co-parent without conflict. There are a range of service providers ranging from free community service providers to private paid services. Some services also offer child inclusive mediation / family dispute resolution which is a special type of mediation / family dispute resolution that can be used when there are older children who are expressing wishes about parenting arrangements. Either parent can initiate mediation / family dispute resolution at any point following separation.
Step 3: Get Legal Advice Early—Even Just Once
Many people mistakenly think that having a one-off consultation with a family lawyer will be expensive or that it will lead to them going to court. Neither of these are true. Most people aren’t familiar with how the family law system in Australia works and there can be many myths and misconceptions. Meeting with a family lawyer will ensure you have the correct information, that is specifically relevant to your circumstances. This will allow you to make informed and wise decisions from the start. New Way Lawyers, Australia’s first non-profit law firm has even created a way for people who are going through separation and divorce to ask their family law questions online for free. Through the Lunch with a Lawyer Facebook group Lunch with a Lawyer | Facebook you can ask your questions about separation, divorce, parenting and property matters and a qualified family lawyer will provide a free answer.
Step 4: Build a Support Network for Your Mental Health
Regardless of the circumstances leading up to separation, whether the relationship ended mutually, or whether one person unilaterally ended the relationship, there will usually be a range of questions and emotions. Having people who can support you and who you can talk to is critical. A diverse support network inclusive of family, friends, work colleagues, as well as professional support, is best. If it’s difficult to access professional support due to constrained finances, enquire at your workplace to see they offer an Employee Assistance. This can be a good starting point too investigate which free support or counselling services are available for you.
Remember: You’re Not Alone
Separation can feel like uncharted territory, but you’re not the only one going through it. With the right tools, support, and mindset, you can successfully learn how to co-parent without conflict and navigate the process in a way that prioritises your wellbeing and your children’s future.
By Carolyn Devries of New Way Lawyers. Carolyn is the founding director and CEO of New Way Lawyers, Australia’s first non-profit law firm.
