CROSSFIT
CrossFitters reveal the good, bad and downright dangers of CrossFit.
“I DATED A CROSSFIT GUY. HUGE MISTAKE.”
NAME: KELLY
AGE 24
I briefly dated a guy who did CrossFit. It only lasted two or three weeks. I just wanted to talk about anything besides CrossFit. He was so caveman-like, had a completely Paleo diet, and his farts just smelt so bad. I was like, “Why are you farting in front of me?” Every T-shirt he had was a CrossFit T-shirt. He needed everyone to know he did CrossFit. If I’m having sex with someone, I want him to be looking at me, not at himself. It was seriously like dating a caveman with anger issues. He was constantly trying to get people into his little cult of CrossFit.
He wanted me to do it. He’d say things like, “It’s so hot when girls are big and buff!” And I was like, “No, it’s not.” When I see people flipping over tyres and grunting with veins popping out of their necks, it’s totally way too intense. It’s just socially unacceptable behaviour. The kinds of guys who do CrossFit are just the biggest douchebags — they’re obsessed with themselves. They’re like, “Oh, she’s 60kg and I can lift her with my pinkie.” They’re always talking about how many times a week they do it. It’s almost like heroin — once they do it they can’t stop.
I wouldn’t trust anyone who does CrossFit — it seems like they enjoy pain. I think a lot of guys are working out to get girls, but I would never again date a guy who did CrossFit. What if I offended his Paleo diet and he decided to throw me through a wall?
“I LOST 57 KILOS AND GOT SOBER”
NAME: JASON
AGE: 44
Four years ago, a friend of mine told me I needed to do something about my situation. I was 160kg. I was having trouble walking up hills around the neighbourhood. I started CrossFit and just threw myself into it. I was 45 years old, recently single, and I just wanted to look better naked. In primary school I was the chubby kid. When I climbed a rope at the age of 44, I broke down and cried. It’s something I wasn’t able to do all my life. One special moment is when I do the CrossFit workout “Murph” once a year in celebration of my father, who was in the air force. He died when I was 7. My first Murph was a baby Murph, and I’ve built up closer to the full thing from there. Every year it’s an emotional experience. I haven’t yet met that special someone. I’ve had people who I’m dating who are jealous of my time in CrossFit. That’s a deal-breaker for me. If they want me to stop CrossFit, they’re gone. I’ve lost 57kg in total. In the first month, I lost around 13kg. I stopped drinking alcohol and was following a strict Paleo diet. My results have been nothing short of amazing, to the point that my doctor has taken me off my high-blood-pressure and cholesterol medication. CrossFit has been a lifesaver.
“CROSSFIT REVAMPED MY SOCIAL LIFE.”
PAUL
AGE : 35
I moved from Ireland a few years back. I’m a musician and would either tour around the country or record in the major cities. I’d been working out in a gym, but it seemed like I had hit a wall. Although I was making progress, I was getting extremely bored. I was drinking — I’ve been fond of drinking over the years — and eating a lot of crap. My band and I would tour and we’d come offstage, get on a bus and have pizza and chips.
Because of my odd schedule I didn’t know too many people — getting to know people when you work nights is quite difficult. My best friend in Dublin suggested that I check out CrossFit as it is a great way to meet people. And while you could live in a big city and nobody would know you existed, if you just go into a CrossFit box, there’s this whole community. You meet people who chat with you like they’ve known you your whole life.
Through CrossFit, I discovered my competitive streak — even though I’d never been good at sports — and now I go to the box every day and the results are incredible. I have a sixpack now, and I’ve never had a sixpack in my life. I went to Las Vegas recently with a friend and we snuck in a trip to a Vegas box to compete with each other. When I told my wife, she just shook her head in disbelief.
I think my friends are a little surprised. I’ve gone from being into music, singing, drinking and partying to suddenly being fit and having 7.9% body fat. Now I’d rather not go out drinking on a Friday so that I can make my Saturday 10am class.
I plan on sticking with it — I don’t want to revert to being a flat-chested, big-bellied guy — so when my wife goes to work, I go to CrossFit.
